Laura Vegas

i know this is totally going to be an unexciting, downer of a post. but i’ve been wanting to get a few things down about all this darn health stuff. this blog serves as a journal of sorts in so many ways … i could never keep track of this stuff on paper. but on the computer … that’s a whole other story.

some of you may be new to my blog … but i was diagnosed about 9 months ago with fibromyalgia … basically it’s a chronic pain disease. nice don’t you think? lol! i started having these all over pains about a year ago … it was last july actually. started in my back and shoulders … spread to my feet … my knees … my hands. basically all over my muscles, joints, etc. i spent a few months going to different doctors … getting tested and checked for everything. i had nerve testing, numerous blood tests, arthritis tests, did the chiropractor thing … but everything checked out. i was in perfect health. 

i finally went to a rumatologist (spl?) … and he diagnosed me. a lot of friends had started thinking exactly what he said. and once i read more about it … it made sense. i felt better just having a name for what was wrong. and yet … it has no real cure. it’s just learning to manage your pain. learning to take it easy and know when your body has had enough. learning not to push yourself when your body is resisting. sure, there are pain meds that help a little. i’ve read of people that are on tons of meds … it’s crazy. i’m not at the point where i want to be one of those people … i’m too young. lol! so i pop ibuprofin when i need it … and the sleeping pills make a ton of difference (when i wasn’t sleeping the pain just felt more intensified because my body was so tired). i have tons of other meds laying around … but really they didn’t do too much for me. so i only take what i need to take. maybe there is something out there that would make my pain go away … but honestly i’m just to lazy to find it. lol!

i’m not the best at managing my pain. i’m such a control freak … and i never like to admit to needing help. i’ve read about plenty of people that can’t even get out of bed … but i can. the pain has become normal for me over the past year. still hurts like heck … but i just suck it up and go about my business. i don’t let on that i’m not ok. i don’t let most people know how hard my days are sometimes. at times i get upset because i feel like people forget that i have this thing to deal with … but a wise friend of mine pointed out that i come off like i’m great. after all … there’s nothing wrong with me that you can see. it’s all inside. so it’s partially my own fault for coming off like i’m handling it all so well. and most of the time i do handle it just fine. but there are times where it just builds up to be too much … and then i get overwhelmed. usually it only lasts a day or two … and then i’m back to business.

and i don’t let much slow me down … if something needs to be done, i do it. i’m still doing 76 different things just like i was before all this … that’s how i function best. i need things going on … i need 76 things to do to keep my mind busy. i love having stuff to do. i work at home after all … i’m couped up here in this house. so when i have nothing going on … i get lost in the "sameness" of my day … same mundane tasks over and over. i love having things that keep me busy.

so really this back thing is just an extra thing that happened. i’ve thrown out my back before … it’s not the first time and it won’t be the last unfortunatley. i did manage to take care of ady today … but jenn was nice enough to come save me part way through the day (thank you jenn!). i’m sure ady knew something was wrong when i wasn’t picking her up all day. lol! i’m always chasing that girl down for kisses and hugs … but there was no chasing today. lol!

i did decide to take tomorrow off. i felt totally bad letting me few parents know. i have a huge guilt thing … and i hate it. after all … i’m human just like everyone else … and things happen to me and i do get hurt and sick. i have to say though … through all this pain stuff the past year … i have never taken a sick day. i could be wrong about this … but i don’t think i am. i looked through my schedule today … and the last sick day i could find was over a year ago … and i was really sick with a stomache bug then. so if i’m taking a day off … there’s a good reason. i just know that there is no way i can physically take care of 3 little ones tomorrow (one being a 8 mth old baby who likes to be held. lol!). i don’t want to suck this one up … i don’t want to pretend that i can do it. because i know i can’t.

so i’m taking a day to rest. to take it easy … and try to get back to feeling a little bit "normal". as normal as i can feel. and thanks for your concerned emails and comments … i do appreciate them and i just want you to know that i’m getting by ok. that’s really all i can ask for.

and so this isn’t a total downer of a post (and if you’re still actually reading this. lol!) … i got an email today about an awesome opportunity. i’m so excited about this i can’t even begin to tell you! but i can’t tell you yet … sorry. now’s the time when i’m wishing that i had my mom build my scrap island at desk level … where i could just roll up a chair and go at it. sometimes you just don’t want to stand up to scrap. lol!